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The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us, by Ross Rosenberg
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Since the dawn of civilization, men and women have been magnetically and irresistibly drawn together into romantic relationships, not so much by what they see, feel and think, but more by invisible forces. When individuals with healthy emotional backgrounds meet, the irresistible “love force” creates a sustainable, reciprocal and stable relationship. Codependents and emotional manipulators are similarly enveloped in a seductive dreamlike state; however, it will later unfold into a painful “seesaw” of love, pain, hope and disappointment. The soul mate of the codependent’s dreams will become the emotional manipulator of their nightmares. Readers of the Human Magnet Syndrome will better understand why they, despite their dreams for true love, find themselves hopelessly and painfully in love with partners who hurt them. This book will guide and inspire both the layman and the professional.
- Sales Rank: #12186 in Books
- Published on: 2013-04-15
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .45" w x 6.00" l, .60 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 195 pages
Review
Ross Rosenberg's important work, The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us, challenges us to continue looking at relationship dynamics to see how our experiences affected us and will continue to affect others. Join this forward-looking movement by reading a book that draws on the discoveries of the past, but adds more wisdom combined with effective answers. Its both the next step in evolution and a revelation.
I recommend The Human Magnet Syndrome to those who work in social services, education, chemical dependency or the counseling fields and to the people they touch. Its time to wake up and this brilliant book sounds the alarm we need.
--Melody Beattie, author of 18 books, including best-selling Codependent No More and Language of Letting Go
Many couples have a give and take relationship. The takers will not read this book. The givers need to. For those who give too much, there is freedom in these pages. Clarity begins here. Learn why you are constantly frustrated no matter how much you give to your partner. Get this book and give yourself a gift.
--Peter Pearson, Ph.D., co-founder of The Couples Institute
Born in the cauldron of personal experience of suffering and healing and honed through years of professional experience, this book will help anyone understand the attractors of love and consequent suffering. I recommend it to couples who are mystified by the depth and repetition of their pain and joy and to therapists whose destiny is to help them.
--Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., co-author with Helen LaKelly Hunt of Making Marriage Simple: Transform the Relationship you Have Into the Relationship you Want
Rosenberg offers a much needed, accessible explanation about how love, sex and relationships can go awry - and what each of us can do to become more empowered and engaged in our lifelong process of building community and family.
--Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S, author, psychotherapist, educator, sex and relationship disorders expert
Refreshingly intuitive and innovative, Rosenberg unravels the mystery of self-sabotaging relationship patterns. A must read.
--Randi Kreger, co-author of the best-selling Stop Walking on Eggshells and Psychology Today blogger
About the Author
Ross Rosenberg, MEd, LCPC, CADC, CSAT, is an international codependency, narcissism, trauma and sex and love addictions expert who provides psychotherapy, training and consultation services. He has become a YouTube celebrity with 3 million views and over 30,000 subscribers. Ross has been featured on ABC Late Night, and ABC Documentary, Jenny McCarthy's Sirius show, Fox News and WGN News. His written work has been featured in the Chicago Tribune & Publisher's Weekly and blogs for The Huffington Post, PsychCentral.com and TheGoodMenProject.com. He owns a training company and counseling center in Arlington Heights, IL.
Most helpful customer reviews
108 of 111 people found the following review helpful.
A dysfunctional dance
By Bulldog
I recommend this book to anyone recovering from a failed relationship and asking the question WHY.
The Human Magnet Syndrome is not a "how to" book. It is a WHY book. In that sense, the book is more akin to a blueprint than a tool box. Once you understand your personal "blueprint"and why a relationship failed, you can begin to address the HOW to fix it. By "design" in my blueprint, I am a codependent - who married an "emotional manipulator". That was not by chance - it was by design - thus the "magnet" metaphor in the title of the book. We danced the perfect and dysfunctional dance that the author explains.
This book helped me see an early blueprint of my relationships. As a codependent - I ALWAYS sought out "emotional manipulators", not because we were the same - but because they had strong and opposite qualities that appealed to me as a codependent. Cracks in my foundation - now evident in my "blueprint" have been evident from my early childhood. They contributed directly to the failure of several relationships, including an over 20 year marriage.
The book helped me better understand WHY I and my partner were initially so attracted to each other, loved each other, achieved many positive things, but ultimately ended a very long marriage. Now that I understand some of the WHY - I can begin to move on to other more healthy relationships.
I highly recommend the book. It helped me make some sense out of chaos in my life.....
78 of 80 people found the following review helpful.
Must reading ... especially if your picker is broken....
By TenfinityFilms
Oh my... this book was amazing!! Thank you Ross Rosenberg!!
I am a student finishing up my AA degree in human services w/ an emphasis on certification for Chemical Dependency Professional... I WAS going to work as a substance abuse counselor however, the past two year, after my own awakening in my codependent ways of being, I began working a recovery program in Al-anon. I read everything I could get my hands on with regards to this topic and devoured all my college level text books on the subject of addiction ... because the narcissistic addict was the thorn in my flesh...
I began to understand and fully understand after reading this book, how we attract the opposite of what we are... I was a serious codependent. I never realized I learned to HATE who I was.. to avoid an abusive, rage-a-holic father, I employed roles and ways fo being to anticipate what was coming so I could avoid being beaten... It never worked but I learned how to read people and please them to avoid being abandoned rejected and orphaned ...
I have had a few significant relationships in my life. All were with narcissist once using addicts and a few in active addiction. I was unable to see the pattern or see anything in me that was bringing them into my life.. just wasn't the time. Two years ago, it became time to wake up and change...
Today, this book has helped me understand the continuum of how and who attracts who... a -5 codependent will attract a +5 narcissistic personality, BPD, or addict narcissist ... addicts are always narcissistic.. they literally have a love relationship with their drug of choice and USE people ... there are 3 stages to addiction: early, middle and late stage and just going sober doesn't change the narcissist personality they have created in the disease; WHICH is why it is imperative for them to work an HONEST recovery program with a sponsor in some type of 12 step program. It is a guide to renewing their distorted, diseased, brain and learn to become awake, aware and actively recovering and changing.
This book discusses everything necessary so you will learn about yourself and your patterns as a codependent. Unfortunately, as stated in this book, most narcissistic types will NOT be helped because they can't ever see that they have done anything wrong.. their programming is such that they are perfect, grandiose, without fault nor flaw... they can't even begin to dig down deep in to the cesspool of their past upbringing to address the deep trauma and abuse they encountered at some point in their development. This is what drives them to self-medicate, or just live the illusion that they are perfect and everyone should bow down worship and adore them "god complex' types.
I completed this book in one sitting .. it just spoke to exactly what I needed to read at the moment.. filling in so much information to all that I have read over the past 2-4 years when I was 'dabbling' in considering if I was in need of help until I realized I WAS definitely in need of help.
Today I believe through the program of Al-anon and working with a sponsor as well as reading and studying such books as this, I have entered in to a level of healing that I could not have entered in to any other way.. I came to see that I needed to be restored to sanity because I was INSANE as a result of the narcissistic addicts I had allowed into my life... the only way to get better was to get away from them, isolate myself for a season and put the focus totally on me... nothing a true codependent does with out dis-ease...
I began loving myself. Accepting myself and all that has happened and currently happens.. I live in acceptance and I forgave and rapidly forgive myself daily. Perfection and control are both illusions and I live genuine and authentic these days. I have good healthy boundaries in place and have eradicated close ties with anyone in active addiction or not working an honest recovery.
This book is MUST reading MUST MUST MUST .. if you are a codependent and if you happen to be that rare addict narcissist who wants to truly find peace and serenity in a recovery lifestyle. I think the book said that many addicts move out of the narcissistic +5 when they stop drinking and work recovery ...
All in all, I will and have already recommended this book to people in class and working their own recovery program. Thank you Ross Rosenberg for taking of your time to put this down on paper and put it in print! I am grateful to infinity and beyond! NOW I have a definite understanding of why I attracted who I did .. and why I am no longer attracting unhealthy addict types... SO happy to know this!!
41 of 41 people found the following review helpful.
Excellent book that will help many
By Joyce Marter, LCPC
As a licensed psychotherapist with nearly 20 years experience, I highly recommend this book for therapists and all people interested in gaining insight and improving their relationships. Rosenberg hits the nail on the head in this book about one of the most prevalent yet under addressed issues I have seen in my practice---why givers are attracted to takers and how to achieve balance in relationships. He cites the classic books that address codependency and narcissism, while taking the discussion further--his "continuum of self" and "sum zero" concepts are ground breaking and extremely helpful. I really appreciate Rosenberg's authenticity in bravely sharing his own therapeutic journey and discussing codependency among therapists and helping professionals. He is a positive example for clinicians and offers a wealth of insight in this user-friendly book.
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